Emptying out the mailbag

Every once in a while, I take requests.

When a buddy of mine asked me this morning why I hadn’t weighed in on David Beckham and Michael Phelps, I decided to get off the stick and do just that:

Milan or L.A.?

Yesterday, David Beckham confirmed what anybody with half a soccer-savvy mind already knew.

He wants to join AC Milan permanently, pulling the plug on his stated goal of growing the game here in the United States as a member of the L.A. Galaxy.

The temptation here is to rip him a new one for wanting to bail on the Galaxy, but you’ve got to look at the whole picture.

First of all, the difference of playing at AC Milan and for the Galaxy is like choosing a meal from Denny’s or Outback. You can get full at either place, but when it’s someone else’s dime, why not have the steak?

Two, he wants to play for England in the 2010 World Cup. He can’t play in the qualifiers in February and March if he’s not playing (and staying in shape) at club level. That’s why he’s on loan there in the first place.

Three, it’s not about money. Signing a deal to play in Milan will likely COST him about $40 million in 2009 alone. Remember that $50 million deal he signed to play in L.A.? That’s not happening across the pond.

Four, he did what he said he wanted to. Major League Soccer’s profile has been raised considerably world-wide (and continues to be as this drama unfolds).

Attention MLS: Sell him, do it nicely, count the money and go back to building a league I can actually watch.

Phelps is a goof

I want to love Michael Phelps. He won a zillion gold medals last summer. He helps kids with autism. And he seems like a nice guy.

Unfortunately, he’s an idiot.

In today’s Facebook and Blackberry world, how can you grab a bong and light up in front of God and everybody at a college party.

In Columbia, of all places.

Dude, why not take the bong, walk into the bathroom, smoke until your face turns green, leave the bathroom, put the bong down and stay famous? Then, we’ll only think you smoked it.

This way, I don’t have to watch the folks at Visa and Speedo squirm while saying they still support him.

Back on Dec. 1, I said I might start my own athlete consulting firm. I wrote this:

“Want to hear the first three rules I’d suggest they live by?

A. Don’t be out after midnight. My dad always said that nothing good happens after midnight. He’s right.

B. Don’t go to night clubs. Ever. If you’ve got enough money to buy Guam in the bank, I’m sure your personal assistant can arrange to have some alcohol and women brought in. That way, you get the things you want from a club without risking personal injury or anything else unpleasant.

C. Don’t carry a gun. Ever. Look, I know it’s dangerous to be a wealthy pro athlete. Hire some security folks. Let them carry machine guns, wear sun glasses and look like Chuck Norris.

Or, just hire Chuck Norris. You know that he’s the only guy in the world that can slam a revolving door…”

Maybe I should add…

D: Don’t smoke pot in public at the University of South Carolina.

Because, while what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens in Columbia ends up in the News of the World.

I’m still fat

Today marks the 30th day for me without fast food.

I’m still fat.

Anyone for a burger?

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