Rant fest

Every once in a while, it’s healthy to let out some of the things that have been bothering you.

Since today is the first day of December, I’d like to drop off some cosmic baggage and get ready to enjoy a more peaceful, happy holiday season.

OK, let’s get to it:

1. Whatever I’ve done to tick off the fantasy football gods, let me just say I’m sorry. Seriously, I’ll do whatever it takes to break the curse that has befallen my fantasy franchises. Well, two of the three, anyway.

Think I’m crazy? Here are the facts that support my argument:

I’ve lost two games in my yardage league by less than two points, I got swept by my wife and I’m going to miss the postseason by two games. That pales in comparison to my touchdown league, where I’m probably going to need some incense to break the hex on my team.

I’ve lost 11 games, so let’s just say that the Sherlocks were hardly destined for greatness. But six of them were by less than six points, two were by identical 37-35 scores and another was a 44-43 loss.

At least I’ve got a shot at the top pick…

2. Why are pro athletes so freaking stupid? No, really. I mean it.

Plaxico Burress is a tremendous athlete. He’s tall, he’s fast and he made the game-winning catch in last year’s Super Bowl.

He’s also dumb. Real dumb.

Tell me, why would a man who signed a five-year, $35 million extension a few months ago wander into a Manhattan nightspot at 1:30 a.m. and shoot himself with a glock tucked in the waistband of his sweats?

I’m thinking of starting a consulting firm for athletes. Want to hear the first three rules I’d suggest they live by?

A. Don’t be out after midnight. My dad always said that nothing good happens after midnight. He’s right.

B. Don’t go to night clubs. Ever. If you’ve got enough money to buy Guam in the bank, I’m sure your personal assistant can arrange to have some alcohol and women brought in. That way, you get the things you want from a club without risking personal injury or anything else unpleasant.

C. Don’t carry a gun. Ever. Look, I know it’s dangerous to be a wealthy pro athlete. Hire some security folks. Let them carry machine guns, wear sun glasses and look like Chuck Norris.

Or, just hire Chuck Norris. You know that he’s the only guy in the world that can slam a revolving door…

Burress is facing a minimum of 42 months behind bars for carrying an unlicensed concealed weapon in New York City. I doubt he’s going to prison, because let’s face it, he’s special. But his NFL career is in a spot of trouble.

3. The only thing more stupid than Burress is the BCS.

Please explain to me how I, as a college football fan, am supposed to feel satisfied with the fact that Texas – a team that pistol whipped (pardon the pun) Oklahoma, 45-35, on a neutral field – gets passed over for the Big 12 title game, and as such, a chance at the national title by OU?


This system is, and always has been, a joke. My one hope for an Obama presidency is for the annointed one to swoop in and force the greedy, money-loving suits at the BCS schools to give the people and players what they deserve.


Here’s how. Cut the regular season back to 11 or maybe even 10 games. Eliminate conference championship games, or make them universal. And put the best eight teams in a playoff. Keep the bowls for everyone else.

What could be simpler?

Unfortunately, the Rose Bowl’s deal with the Big 10 and PAC 10 runs through 2014. So, it ain’t happening anytime soon.

4. Hey Dish Network! Hey Gol TV! Get off your rear ends and get Bundesliga and La Liga games back on my TV!

5. I’m not a Notre Dame fan, but if I were, I’d want Charlie Weis’ head on a stick. The Irish didn’t get a first down until late in the third quarter in a 38-3 loss to USC.

And kicking the field goal just to avoid a shutout is pretty cheesy, too.

Bob Davie and Tyrone Willingham were fired for less. I don’t care if he is making more money than the Pope, by the Irish’s supposed “high standards,” how can he be retained?

Thanks everybody. I feel much better.


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One Response to “Rant fest”

  1. Blogging with Bryan C. Hanks : Kinston Free Press Says:

    […] a few minutes and check out our good friend Randy Capps’ latest musings. Among his whinings thoughts today are his fantasy football woes, Plaxico and the BCS. He even […]

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