Rules of engagement

The title is a tribute to a show that’s apparently not coming back to CBS anytime soon, but it also applies to the world of sports loyalties. Steve Czaban, or Fox Sports Radio fame, had a funny bit on this topic this morning.

Everyone who follows sports has love-hate relationships with teams. So here are some rules to follow:

1. You’re either going steady with a team, or you’re married to them. There are exceptions, but fans of these teams are not going around looking for flings with other teams: NFL – Dallas, Pittsburgh, Philly and Chicago; MLB – Boston, New York and Chicago Cubs and NBA – L.A. Lakers and Boston Celtics. Colleges are different. Every college fan is married, but in the BYU sense of the word…

2. You’re allowed to “date” other teams, that is randomly choose teams to support when you’re “girlfriend” squad either sucks or isn’t playing. You are not allowed to choose teams that play in the same division with your live-in team.

3. In leagues that you don’t care about (read: NBA, NHL and MLS) or haven’t been following long, you can just pull a Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother) and sleep around.

Take me, for instance. I’m a Redskins fan, but I’ve been shacking up with the Colts on the side for years now. I’m also an Oriole fan, but lately, I’ve been making eyes at the Dodgers. In the NBA, I’m not really emotionally invested so I just jump on whatever good looking bandwagon that rolls by.

As for soccer, I’m a Fulham fan, but the mass exodus of Americans coupled with some lackluster form has my attention wandering a bit in the Premier League. In Italy, they all look good…

Don’t even get me started on Clemson, to whom I’ve been married for longer than I care to remember. We’re not even talking right now, as I’m so disgusted with them…

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