Hitting the low notes

Consider this an open letter to Daniel Snyder and the Redskins.

See this guy? He’s Vinny Cerrato, VP of football operations, or, in simpler terms, the idiot who created the fuster cluck that is the Washington Redskins’ roster and coaching staff.

As a lifelong Redskins fan, I make the following vow. If he is not fired at season’s end, I’m out.

I deserve better than what I watched last night. I deserve better than a head coach that was hired to be an offensive coordinator, promoted when bigger names refused the head coaching job and then stripped of his play calling duties in favor of a guy that’s been calling bingo numbers in Michigan.

Hollywood wouldn’t make that movie. Too far fetched.

I deserve better than a quarterback who’s too timid, an offensive line that’s awful, a running back that’s too slow, receivers that lack speed and an owner with more money than brains – by some margin.

Jim Zorn is a dead man walking. He’s clearly out.

Cerrato joins him, or I’m out, too.

Bob Griese sticks foot in mouth

Some folks should just shut up.

A lot.

Griese earned a week suspension from the four-letter for a joke he made on air over the weekend.

During the Minnesota-Ohio State game on Saturday, a graphic was shown listing the top five drivers in NASCAR’s points race. A booth mate asked: Where was (Juan Pablo) Montoya?

Griese said, “Out having a taco.”

Funny. Real funny.

Psst, Bob. Montoya’s from Columbia.

They don’t eat tacos.

Idiot.

 

Fail to the Redskins

I’m a patient man.

Honestly, I am.

But being a fan of the Washington Redskins is pushing me to the edge of insanity.

Just how inept are the Redskins this season? Let’s count the ways:

1. The coach is hopelessly overmatched

Jim Zorn, who was stripped of play-calling duties after Sunday’s loss to the Chiefs, is a man out of his depth. A former quarterback and offensive coordinator, Zorn had a bit of a reputation as an offensive mind in the game, but the Redskins have yet to top 17 points this season, and have done so only eight times in his 22-game tenure, including one (a 27-24 loss to the 49′ers in last year’s season finale) in the last 11.

What does that mean?

The league knows what Zorn is trying to do and he hasn’t made the adjustment.

And the image of him yesterday, holding a challenge flag and trying to get a review inside the last two minutes shows desperation (replays showed that he had no chance of winning a challenge) and a lack of knowledge of the rules (you can’t challenge inside the final two minutes anyway).

He seems like a decent man, but he’s not qualified to be a coach in the National Football League.

2. With the easiest opening schedule in recent memory, the team is 2-4

What’s truly sad here is the fact that, aside from the Giants, the five teams the Redskins have played this season are awful.

The Rams, Lions, Buccaneers, Panthers and Chiefs are all dreadful teams. Yet, the Redskins managed to lose to three of them. And really, this team could easily be 0-6.

Against the JV portion of the schedule, no less.

The next six games are as follows: Philly, at Atlanta, Denver, at Dallas, at Philly, New Orleans.

A 2-10 record looks like a distinct possibility.

3. The owner won’t get out of the way

Daniel Snyder is a smart man. Morons don’t become billionaires and the man is making money hand-over-fist with his boyhood team.

That’s great, but he’s driving them into the ground.

The record isn’t horrible. The Redskins are 78-88 during his reign as owner. It’s the direction, or lack thereof, of the team in recent years that’s the issue.

Even the players think the problem rises higher than Zorn.

Vinny Cerrato, the executive vice president for football operations, is a clown. His job? Acquire talent.

OK, fine. Let’s review that.

Since 2003, he’s been in charge of selecting players in the draft:

2003
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
2 44 Taylor Jacobs WR Florida
3 81 Derrick Dockery G Texas
7 232 Gibran Hamdan QB Indiana

2004
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
1 5 Sean Taylor FS Miami
3 81 Chris Cooley TE Utah State
5 151 Mark Wilson T California
6 180 Jim Molinaro T Notre Dame

2005
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
1 9 Carlos Rogers CB Auburn
1 25 Jason Campbell QB Auburn
4 120 Manuel White FB UCLA
5 154 Robert McCune LB Louisville
6 183 Jared Newberry LB Stanford
7 222 Nehemiah Broughton FB Citadel

2006
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
2 35 Rocky McIntosh LB Miami
5 153 Anthony Montgomery DT Minnesota
6 173 Reed Doughty FS Northern Colorado
6 196 Kedric Golston DT Georgia
7 230  class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”230 “>Kili Lefotu G Arizona
7 250 Kevin Simon LB Tennessee

2007
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
1 6 Laron Landry S LSU
5 143 Dallas Sartz LB USC
6 179 H.B. Blades LB Pitt
6 205 Jordan Palmer QB UTEP
7 216 Tyler Ecker TE Michigan

2008
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
2 34 Devin Thomas WR Mich. St.
2 48 Fred Davis TE USC
2 51 Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma
3 96 Chad Rinehart G N. Iowa
4 124 Justin Tryon CB Arizona St.
6 168 Durant Brooks P Ga. Tech
6 180 Kareem Moore CB Nicholls St.
6 186 Colt Brennan QB Hawaii
7 242 Rob Jackson DE Kansas St.
7 249 Chris Horton S UCLA

2009
Rd Sel# Player Pos. School
1 13 Brian Orakpo DE Texas
3 80 Kevin Barnes CB Maryland
5 158 Cody Glenn LB Nebraska
6 186 Robert Henson LB TCU
7 221 Eddie Williams TE Idaho
7 243 Marko Mitchell WR Nevada

Not exactly a great body of work, there, Vinny.

But Cerrato, who may be fired along with Zorn sometime soon, is a Snyder favorite. Why?

Because he let’s the owner keep his finger in the pie, so to speak. Snyder loves the splashy free agents, and the $100 million he threw at Haynesworth is the latest example.

I don’t have a huge problem with that deal, but the money might have been better spent upgrading the offensive line or the complete lack of speed on the offensive side of the ball.

4. This is the slowest team in the league

Speed kills. So does the lack of it.

Aside from Santana Moss, there is no one on the roster that teams worry about beating them with a big play. Clinton Portis couldn’t outrun his 265-pound fullback on a 78-yard run yesterday.

Root canals move faster.

Every team needs a gamebreaker. Somebody that can just flat out run.

The Skins are sorely lacking in that department.

It’s hard to watch this once proud franchise sink into the abyss.

Something must be done.

Kicking Autism to the curb

Saturday was a great day.

Me and several thousand of my closest friends gathered in Raleigh to walk (a lot) and raise money for my favorite charity, the Autism Society of North Carolina.

It’s my favorite charity because my son, Ethan, battles the disorder.

Ethan’s Angels won the team spirit award, in part because of our awesome shirts and cool halos, but mainly because Ethan lights up a three-square block area wherever he goes.

Even if he did ask for a piggy back ride ( a short one, pictured above) and bailed out after the first mile.

Some of us, including two of my two best friends in the ink-stained wretch business, Mike Bollinger and Bryan Hanks.

It’s amazing how much you can break down Virginia athletics in a single 5K walk…

Consider this a thank-you note for anyone and everyone who donated, offered support, read any one of my columns on the event or took a minute to learn something about Autism.

Props to my college roommate, Frank Spurlock, for a superior T-shirt design. My parents and wife deserve the most credit, doing all the leg work to help our team raise money and have a successful walk.

Me? I just type a lot.

Before you go, know this: 

Autism now affects one in every 91 children. If it hasn’t touched your life yet, it most likely will one day soon.

And until they make the magic pill that sends Autism to the history books, I’m going to keep on walking.

The countdown is on – just five days left

Donate today!

There. Don’t want to be accused of burying the lead.

Yesterday, I wrote a little something in this space about the challenges of dealing with the world of autism.

That netted me a $20 donation from my brother.

You da man, Scottie.

Today, let’s go a little lighter.

Last night, I was taking a bath and brushing up on the coming season of college hoops with my shiny new Athlon magazine. Because our new house isn’t ready yet, there’s only one bathroom. Naturally, my bath time is often interrupted by Ethan’s bathroom needs.

So, anyway, he comes in and uses the bathroom. He looks over and says, “Daddy, can I take a bath after you?”

“Sure,” I said.

He then said, “can I fill the tub up like you do?”

I think it’s cute that he wants to be like me.

One day, I’ll see if I can get him to aim higher.

I liked last night’s “be like daddy moment” better than the one we had in Shelby a few years back.

We’re in the kiddie pool in the backyard, swimming. He smiled, looked at his mom, took both of his hands and pushed his hair back as far as it would go and proudly announced, “now, I look like daddy!”

Nothing like a reminder of the cruelty of male pattern baldness from your son.

I’m thankful for these exchanges. Not every family in the world of autism has them.

Some parents don’t get to hear their child’s voice.

Ever.

Even though it may not always feel like it, I’m one of the lucky ones.

With your help, the Autism Society of North Carolina can make that dream come true for other people.

Won’t you help?

Donate today!

Searching for a cure

If you have school-aged kids, you’ve probably had “the meeting.”

You know, where the teacher sits you down and tells you all the things your child isn’t doing well.

Maybe she has a list prepared. Perhaps it is filled from top to bottom with words that detail his inattention, frequent disruptions or outright disrespect.

But most meetings don’t feature tears from the mother, teacher and one-on-one worker. The typical father, feeling the weight of his gender on his shoulders, wouldn’t have to watch all of that with a stiff upper lip.

But the life of a parent of a child with autism is anything but typical.

And, last week, that scenario played out in front of me in a little room in the office at Four Oaks Elementary.

I don’t want to paint the picture with all blacks and blues – the tears were those of committed people. People who want the best for my son, Ethan. People who love him and care for him. People who are just having a little trouble putting the latest puzzle together.

You see, raising Ethan is a little like a book of riddles. Each page has its own set of clues and an eventual solution, but getting from A to B is rarely a straight line.

That meeting reminded me of two things.

How far we’ve come and the distance we’ve yet to travel.

I have no doubt that Ethan will overcome these most recent obstacles. I know he will.

Why?

Because he’s already defied the odds.

He’s already speaking, reading, laughing, playing, learning and dreaming – things that we were told he would never do.

We’re attacking autism with every resource we can find, and we’ve been lucky to have a good support group of family, friends and dedicated professionals who have helped along the way.

Those of you who know me know that I’m not really one for causes.

Except this one.

And this Saturday, me and several thousand of my closest friends will walk through downtown Raleigh in the 2009 Triangle Run/Walk for Autism.

Many of my friends have already donated and/or are planning to walk the 5K with us. For that, I’m truly grateful.

If you haven’t, visit this site and give what you can.

Join me. Help me take the fight to autism. The Autism Society of North Carolina is a fantastic resource for families dealing with this disorder. I know how much they’ve meant to me and my family.

Don’t wait. Help us today.

Hey, I wrote something…

You have to go here to see it, though.