Media watching

All-star games, as a general rule, suck.

I think, though, that the NBA’s version of the event might suck the least.

Why? The pregame show.

Say what you will about the on-floor product, but the NBA knows how to put on a show. This year’s highlight for me was Shaquille O’ Neal dancing during his introduction:

Quality. Pure quality.

Change isn’t always good

Unfortunately, not everyone in the entertainment business has a freaking clue.

Fox Sports Radio, in a quest to do, well, something, has changed its lineup.

Let’s run it down. Ditching James Washington and Craig Sheamon for Dan Patrick is a winning move. Patrick is great on radio, so even though Washington and Sheamon weren’t awful, this is a plus.

Where it goes to pot is the 7-10 p.m. time slot, where Andrew Siciliano and Krystal Fernandez were dropped for the PMS show, featuring Petros Papadakis and Matt “Money” Smith.

Here’s the problem:

THEY’RE AWFUL.

Imagine Steven A. Smith doing a radio show with someone equally loud and obnoxious, and you have a good idea of what these idiots do every night.

I love Siciliano. In fact, I rate him behind only Steve Czaban, Colin Cowherd and Patrick in terms of sports talk talent. Maybe ESPN will hire him and let him compete against PMS.

We can only hope.

Speaking of questionable decisions… 

Can someone please explain the whole Gatorade G commercial campaign to me?

OK, having the scroll of great athletes is fine, but what’s up with having the JabbaWockeez in the same lineup with Michael Jordan, Usain Bolt and the great Ali?

It’s just weird.

And is my life really enhanced by watching Usain Bolt’s head run around?

No, not really.

But I’m writing about, so I guess it’s good marketing after all.

What’s next for Sirius/XM?

Well after much debate and discussion with the good folks at the FCC, Sirius and XM joined forces late last year to create Sirius/XM – and a monopoly in satellite radio.

Here we are just a few months later and Sirius/XM appears headed for either bankruptcy or a takeover.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Will a takeover by the folks at Dish Network or Echostar mean that Sirius/XM can get around the three-year price freeze that the FCC put in place as part of the merger deal?

I don’t think so, though there is a provision in there that allows for “cost pass throughs.” I guess the note I got from XM recently telling me that my wife’s “buddy” subscription is going up $2 a month is a pass through thing…

2. What will this mean for the average subscriber?

If they file bankruptcy, big-name talents (see Stern, Howard) may have their contracts terminated in court-ordered cost-cutting measures. If they’re bought up by Dish (the more likely scenario), I can’t see much changing – until the long-term contracts with the NFL, MLB, NBA, etc. expire. Then, we may be in for some trouble as Charlie Ergen, the head honcho at Dish/Echostar, is notoriously hard to deal with at a bargaining table (see TV, Gol).

Are the other merger requirements being met?

Sort of. We have the “Best-of” packages available for both Sirius and XM users and Sirius has an a-la-carte plan in place, but the choices for compatible radios and XM programming packages aren’t really there yet.

Now what?

Frankly, I think Sirius/XM has run itself into the ground with big spending on the NFL contract and the Stern deal. Both make for great radio, but they overpaid for both. Ergen cas the cash to pump up the company – and even though I’d like to slap him for robbing me of Gol TV – he’s good at making money in the satellite industry.

Another brick in the wall

I’m having trouble generating much shock over the recent news that Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids back in 2003.

I’m having trouble feeling much of anything in regards to what we must now call baseball’s steroid era.

So, instead of me getting worked up and hurling insults at a man who fields more barbs than he does grounders at the hot corner, let’s just dissect it.

1. What does it mean for his legacy? Throw an asterisk by his name. Every one of his 553 home runs is now tainted with the specter of performance-enhancing drugs. Is it true, as his agent, Scott Boras, suggests, that Rodriguez tested positive for one test in one season and never took anything else? Or did he start on steroids before switching to hGh or some other designer drug when the testing kicked in?

Who knows?

But if you look at his numbers, they’ve been pretty consistent:

2002 (Texas): .300, 57 HR, 142 RBI
2003 (Texas): .298, 47 HR, 118 RBI
2004 (NYY): .286, 36 HR, 106 RBI

What do I think? I think he was very much like everyone else in the game. He used steroids and probably dabbled in hGh and other non-tested drugs as well.

2. Is he in legal trouble? Highly unlikely. That test in 2003? It was supposed to be anonymous. I can’t see a judge allowing it into evidence. And what would the government do? Put him on trial for testing positive for steriods? Nah. They’re too busy with perjury charges for Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Miguel Tejada.

3. What does this mean for baseball? Baseball is a game defined by its history and marked by its numbers. There’s a dead-ball era and there’s a live-ball era. Parks used to be massive, where a ball could roll by a center fielder and never be seen again.

Now, there’s a steroid era.

You’re kidding yourself if you think that Rodriguez, Bonds and Clemens were the only people using performance-enhancing drugs at the turn of the century. The Mitchell Report? A drop in the bucket and a complete waste of time.

Ken Caminiti once said that half the players in baseball were on steroids. We media types chuckled and scoffed at what seemed to be an outlandishly high number.

Yeah, it was off all right.

It was too low.

4. What now? I still love baseball. I have my rotowire magazine at home, and I’m getting ready to dive in to a summer’s worth of fun.

I love the Orioles, even though they’re horrible, and I root against the Yankees, well, because they’re the Yankees.

I love the game, warts and all.

But the innocence, the notion that it’s a pure game played by good and decent men, is dead. Baseball isn’t a diversion from our day-to-day struggles with morality and justice in this world.

It’s a mirror.

See it for what it is, and try to make peace with it.

Emptying out the mailbag

Every once in a while, I take requests.

When a buddy of mine asked me this morning why I hadn’t weighed in on David Beckham and Michael Phelps, I decided to get off the stick and do just that:

Milan or L.A.?

Yesterday, David Beckham confirmed what anybody with half a soccer-savvy mind already knew.

He wants to join AC Milan permanently, pulling the plug on his stated goal of growing the game here in the United States as a member of the L.A. Galaxy.

The temptation here is to rip him a new one for wanting to bail on the Galaxy, but you’ve got to look at the whole picture.

First of all, the difference of playing at AC Milan and for the Galaxy is like choosing a meal from Denny’s or Outback. You can get full at either place, but when it’s someone else’s dime, why not have the steak?

Two, he wants to play for England in the 2010 World Cup. He can’t play in the qualifiers in February and March if he’s not playing (and staying in shape) at club level. That’s why he’s on loan there in the first place.

Three, it’s not about money. Signing a deal to play in Milan will likely COST him about $40 million in 2009 alone. Remember that $50 million deal he signed to play in L.A.? That’s not happening across the pond.

Four, he did what he said he wanted to. Major League Soccer’s profile has been raised considerably world-wide (and continues to be as this drama unfolds).

Attention MLS: Sell him, do it nicely, count the money and go back to building a league I can actually watch.

Phelps is a goof

I want to love Michael Phelps. He won a zillion gold medals last summer. He helps kids with autism. And he seems like a nice guy.

Unfortunately, he’s an idiot.

In today’s Facebook and Blackberry world, how can you grab a bong and light up in front of God and everybody at a college party.

In Columbia, of all places.

Dude, why not take the bong, walk into the bathroom, smoke until your face turns green, leave the bathroom, put the bong down and stay famous? Then, we’ll only think you smoked it.

This way, I don’t have to watch the folks at Visa and Speedo squirm while saying they still support him.

Back on Dec. 1, I said I might start my own athlete consulting firm. I wrote this:

“Want to hear the first three rules I’d suggest they live by?

A. Don’t be out after midnight. My dad always said that nothing good happens after midnight. He’s right.

B. Don’t go to night clubs. Ever. If you’ve got enough money to buy Guam in the bank, I’m sure your personal assistant can arrange to have some alcohol and women brought in. That way, you get the things you want from a club without risking personal injury or anything else unpleasant.

C. Don’t carry a gun. Ever. Look, I know it’s dangerous to be a wealthy pro athlete. Hire some security folks. Let them carry machine guns, wear sun glasses and look like Chuck Norris.

Or, just hire Chuck Norris. You know that he’s the only guy in the world that can slam a revolving door…”

Maybe I should add…

D: Don’t smoke pot in public at the University of South Carolina.

Because, while what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens in Columbia ends up in the News of the World.

I’m still fat

Today marks the 30th day for me without fast food.

I’m still fat.

Anyone for a burger?

Another Super Bowl come and gone

As a neutral, it was hard to muster much pregame excitement for the Cardinals and Steelers in the Super Bowl.

It’s not on record anywhere, but I thought the Steelers would win (they did) and cover (uh, not so much).

I thought the fourth quarter was the saving grace of an otherwise dull game. Overall, it was one of your better Super Bowls, but when you frame it in the context of the litany of beat downs we’ve endured in the 43-year history of the event, it wasn’t bad.

Things I’ll remember:

1. Santonio Holmes’ coming out party. Sure, he had a solid 2008 season. But he’s clearly taken the baton from Hines Ward as the focal point of that offense. Yes, I know Ward’s injured. But time waits for no man. Especially for aging wide receivers.

2. James Harrison’s interception return.I’m giving him a pass for the street-style mugging he put on that dude during a punt return. That interception return at the end of the first half not only turned the momentum and ultimately helped the Steelers win their sixth Super Bowl, it also secured his place in Super Bowl lore with one of the best individual efforts ever.

3. The year of bad officiating ended fittingly. Look, I think Kurt Warner fumbled on their final play. But a review of the most important play of the season was probably in order. To gloss over it was a bit of a downer. Toss this in with some of the other zebra gaffes this year, and 2009 can’t get here fast enough for the men in stripes.

4. Six freaking hours of pregame coverage? I love the NFL, but geez…

5. President Obama speaking during the pregame show. Really? He’s not on TV enough?